Archive for December, 2011

America The Great: Top 3

I’m impressed you came back. Let’s get right into it The top 3 reasons America rules are:

3. THE FLAG

This one is obvious. Our flag and symbol, the bald eagle, rule. Straight up. Take a look other country’s flags. It’s like they just said, “We can do 3 vertical stripes, choose wisely.”

I pledge allegiance to the lame.

Our flag is unique, different color stripes with stars for each rocking state. It means something. Every part of it does. France,seems to like copying us with democracy and the colors of their flag and stuff. We did it right and we did it first. The bald eagle, well you don’t eff with a bald eagle. Bottom line. USA.

Truth: This is and has always been the background on my computer. Aww Yeah!

2. PERSERVERANCE

The WNBA is still a thing. Let that set in. Bet you forgot about it. Before I go any further I would like to point out, I’m not saying women can’t play professional sports, I’m saying it’s boring. They’re fan base, which numbers somewhere in the tens, may be offended, but you’ll miss my point. Being the resourceful buggers we are, found a way to keep it alive and on national TV for over a decade now, without any interest from the general public. That amazes me.  No other country would force-feed crap down peoples’ throats. But we do it all the time. It leads me to believe, that when we roll up our sleeves, there is nothing we can’t put on TV in prime time. America. Home. Of. The. Brave.

Are you ready for some lay-ups!?

1. HOTTIES

Logically, I think we all saw where this was going. Look around people. There are hotties everywhere. You can talk all you want about Brazilians, or Swedes, but America’s #1 export is still good looking people. It once again defies logic that this country was founded by debtors, outcasts, and the down trodden, and still came out on top in terms of good looks. We encourage it and we use it to our advantage. It’s the American way to use your good looks to get whatever you want, and it works. Well Done people. Hotties of America,

100% Pure American Hotness

I Salute You.

When I stop seeing 9s and 10s walking down the street in Anytown, USA, then come and tell me this country is in trouble. Until then, I say:

AMERICA THE GREAT.

If you have any reasons why you think America is awesome that I left out, leave them in the comments. I’m sure there are more so let me know what you think. Holla at your boy!

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America The Great Pt. 1

There’s been a lot of talk the past couple of months about all the problems America is facing. The American system failing and all that. Well, I’ve been busy outside enjoying myself. Now that it’s dark by lunchtime and I can only play Call of Duty for so long, I figure it’s time to address this subject. What better way than by giving you a list of reasons why I think America is still the greatest place on earth:

6. HOT DOGS

Nothing says America like the hot dog. We invented, we love it, it probably causes butt cancer. Yet, people chow down on these things like they were tic-tacs. Not just because they’re delicious, but also because they’re made up of all the parts no one wants. Hooves, nostrils, tails, whatever’s left. No other country was, or is capable of such a thing. America has always accepted everyone’s leftovers and came out on top, just like the hot dog. Boom.

A whole pile of America right there. Dig in.

5. ACTION MOVIES

Have you ever watched an action movie not made in America? They’re god-awful. They’re weighted down with cohesive plots, believable love interests and engaging dialogue. No Thank You. Give me explosions, dry cool wit, a love interest that can’t stand the hero until the last twenty minutes, and ludicrous amounts of kicking and punching. Stick to that formula and we’ll be A-OK.

A–M–E–R–I–C–A.

I hope you like broken limbs.

4. THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS

What other country would put this in their official rulebook. No one else even thought to consider this awesome possibility. Red, White, and Blue.

We must protect ourselves.

Tune in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion of America The Great, the top 3.

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