Personally, I like my clothes shopping like I like my Olympics, every two years, alternating between winter and summer, but I see the allure of it. Apparently you can be addicted to it, so that means it’s definitely fun, but I guess I don’t understand it, and the world of fashion in general.

Is no one else creeped out by hundreds of strangers rummaging through materials that will eventually end up on your body? Of course you’re the only person who tried on those jeans. It’s madness and somehow it’s socially acceptable.

Ready. Set. Touch every piece of clothing!

Ready. Set. Touch every piece of clothing!

It must be because our clothes often speak for us. They say, “I’m sexy” or “I’m a little bit country,” “My daddy didn’t love me” or “I live really close to Target, and they have great style at prices anyone can afford.”

My clothes usually end up saying “It’s hot out today” or “I really like this band” or occasionally, “ Tomorrow is laundry day.” They say the clothes make the man but I still think DNA, vital organs, and skin have a lot to do with it.

No one pulls off cool and casually intoxicated quite like me.

No one pulls off cool and casually intoxicated quite like me.

But shopping seems devoid of logic. Has anyone ever said to you, “These shoes were on sale so I had to buy them. I saved a bunch of money.”

That sounds familiar right? I don’t want to get into mathematics and the laws of physics, but you cannot save money by spending it. It’s just not how the monetary system works– anywhere… under any circumstances.

And then we get to fashion trends. Who are these people setting them? They seem arbitrary. One season, plaids are in, the next it’s vertical stripes, then it’s both at the same time. Is there a meeting held where these decisions are made? Do people wait for them like they wait for the smoke from the Popestack?

There you have it, color corduroy is back in. The smokestack doesn't lie.

There you have it, color corduroy is back in. The Popestack doesn’t lie.

It’s illogical to have some strangers who’ve never met you, decide what you’ll look best in for this calendar year.

To me, once you find something you like, stick with it. I have band t-shirts from high school because I still like those bands, and flannels too, because like Chuck Taylors, flannels are best when they’re out of style (Flannel is not a fashion, it’s a lifestyle). And if you want to know my functional opinion, the pocket tee is as good as it’s going to get. It’s casual, comfortable and on the off-chance you need to put something in a pocket, you’ve got it.

But until then…