Archive for September, 2013

Women and Men: Crazy Stupid

Women are crazy and men are stupid. The reason women are so crazy? Because men are so stupid.

The misunderstanding between sexes is almost as frustrating as stock photography.

The misunderstanding between sexes is almost as frustrating as stock photography

This brilliant aphorism explains why men and women see each other as different species, without placing the blame on either sex.

But Nick, you just declared man’s stupidity the cause of female craziness.

WRONG!

It’s a mere lack of understanding of the beauty of man’s stupidity that causes this. Read more…

Past to the Future

I used to love cartoons as a kid. I still do, but I used to, too. (RIP Mitch) I was always enamored by the cartoons that showed what people in the 1950s thought the future would look like.

SPOILER ALERT: They were wayyyyyyy off. They’re the reason I believed that when the year 2000 hit, we’d automatically have to switch to hover cars, tube transportation, and astronaut food.

None of this happened because people in the 1950s were hardworking, industrious people, who thought we’d continue down that road; working hard to benefit future generations, but instead the 1960s happened.

The steady march of progress was too "Far Out" for this generation who now have trouble checking their email.

The steady march of progress was too “Far Out” for this generation who now have trouble checking their email.

They could never have imagined the change in direction society would take – or that we’d have a hand-held device that could access any information instantly and contact anyone across the globe.  A device we’d mostly use to take pictures of our food and with which we’d crush candy.

Two plates!? Someone's camera lens is bigger than their stomach.

Two plates!? Someone’s camera lens is bigger than their stomach.

So instead of focusing on how to make life simpler and more effective, we’ve focused on technology that more closely resembles Big Brother (RIP Mr. Orwell). We aren’t fully to blame, though. I mean it seemed at times people in the past made large assumptions about how their present technology would translate into their vision of the future.

They had cars in 1955 – did they just assume the technology to make some hover would come out of thin air? Or that we’d risk grievous bodily harm with one of those machines that launches you out of bed into the shower and shoots your breakfast at you?

Maybe that’s a stretch, but you get what I’m saying. They were just guessing and hoping the things they wanted would happen. And if on the off chance you’re a frequent reader of this blog, how about that future fashion, huh? Pretty ridiculous. Lots of big shoulder pads, jumpsuits, and plastic looking material.  Pretty farfetched…

Why was the past right about this?

Why was the past right about this?

But basically, I applaud their effort and imagination, so here are a few of my future predictions.

In the Future…

  • We’ll create a car that monkeys can drive, and they will do it well.
  • The DMV will become the model of efficiency and hundreds of jokes about it from our time will confuse future generations.
  • Everything on Futurama
  • The 3 Seashell System from Demolition Man
  • Contrary to popular belief, machines will not revolt against us and enslave us, but they’ll develop poor work ethic and general malaise like any other red-blooded American.
  • Lastly, sassy robot butlers, because if not, then what hell is the point of even getting up in the morning?
I hope to see you soon, sweet, sweet Rosie

I hope to see you soon, sweet, sweet Rosie

To infinity and shortly past it!

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