Do you ever think about all the strange things that animals do? They seem so weird and random when you watch those Discovery Channel specials. Until you think about some things you see and do in a normal day and realize that humans are by far the weirdest and most random species on the planet.
Proof of social darwinism
One thing I noted was that pretty much every weird thing an animal does is for survival. Necessity factors into almost everything they do. They are able to survive and thrive because that’s all they’re focused on. Necessity doesn’t seem to factor into things we do and yet when you break it down, we still do some peculiar things.
If humans were the focus of one of these nature specials, it would go something like this: with a British accent:
“The male approaches a female at local watering hole. He initiates contact by pretending to bump into her. He smiles and impresses here with fictional stories about himself. The female seems taken by this demonstration of value. Out of nowhere, a flock of stern females move in and surround the male’s target and sweep her away. They’ve blocked the males amorous attempt to procreate. Later we find him passed out in a taxi after consuming large amounts of Fireball whiskey.”
The equivalent to a mating scene on Planet Earth
Or a more macro look:
“Human existence is based around something they call a job. This is where they provide a service in exchange for colored pieces of paper with no inherent value in order to purchase things like: a texting device, yogurt that is somehow nonfat and frozen at the same time, or a 20th pair of shoes. These jobs include house builders, healers of sick humans, and showing you how you can work from home and make big bucks!!!”
It’s all about how you spend it
Now let’s do a little comparison.
Frogs absorb moisture through their skin to make it easier to maintain the proper levels of water in their bodies. We slap each other’s hands together in a violent and cacophonous motion when we find something mutually enjoyable.
Scientists have yet to understand why this phenomenon occurs
Great white sharks can change their gender once they reach maturity if they have trouble finding a mate. We invest copious amounts of emotional energy on who a bachelor will select from a harem of prescreened mates filmed for entertainment purposes.
Elephants can smell water from up to 10 miles away in an arid landscape. Humans will eat Taco Bell when they have the option of eating ANYTHING else, simply because they “had a craving for it.”
Yo quiero anal leakage
Emperor penguins will starve to death in order to keep the egg they’re resting on their feet warm enough to survive. Humans often become inconsolable when they can’t figure out what they want to do with their hair today.
When in doubt, wear it up
Basically, we should be more afraid of each other than we are of a bear, a shark, or that spider next to your left hand because animals are predictable.
Made you look
Humans are unpredictable.
We’re the last wild animal out there. There’s no telling what another human will do, which is why nothing in the news surprises me. I do believe it’s a testament to how vastly intelligent we are as a species. We’re so distracted by trivial things and we’ve still come out on top. Until next time, watch out for all those humans out there.
Say it with me now:
Un-Pre-Dict-Able
February 20, 2014
Nick Jiorle
Humor Me 