Hey Babe! Can you come here a minute?

Glad I’ve got your attention. There’s an interesting trend I’ve noticed in modern society that has long baffled me, and that’s the use of the name “Babe” as a term of endearment towards a significant other. Now, there’s nothing wrong with the term, I have many good friends who use it for their better half.


Some Babe on Babe action


But perhaps that’s also the problem? The fact that it’s used so often that it has no meaning anymore.

To me, it doesn’t actually describe anything about the person, and that’s what a pet name is supposed to do. It’s an expression of the way you feel towards that person, or the way they make you feel. Looking at it that way, Babe only makes sense if your love interest reminds you of a talking pig, or a drunk baseball player who smoked cigars and hit a lot of homers. Babe feels like a cop out.

Unless you consider your friend a real "Home Run" God, that's terrible

Unless you consider your friend a real “Home Run.” God, that’s terrible

In my poor, limited experience in love, I always felt it made sense to develop unique names for each person. Basically because they were in fact unique people, different from each other who made me feel different ways—and their nicknames reflected that. I didn’t reinvent the wheel in the process, I just relied on simple, basic emotions that this person brought out in me. That’s why my love interests garnered names like Pumpkin, Sunshine, She Beast, and Crazy Train. (The last one was because she really loved the band Train)

Sadly, she's back in the atmosphere. Most likely with drops of Jupiter in her hair.

Sadly, she’s back in the atmosphere. Most likely with drops of Jupiter in her hair.

This kept it interesting and ensured one wouldn’t remind me of another. But I’ve known people who would call their mate “Babe,” and then when that relationship sputtered out and a new one was kindled, they’d call that person Babe—and so on and so on without stopping. Doesn’t this strike anyone as odd? We don’t do that with our pets. When your dog Sparky dies you don’t go out and find a different dog that looks nothing like that bitch Jenny, I mean Sparky, and also name it Sparky? No, because that’s ridiculous and you don’t want to confuse the two. So why would you do it for your potential soul mate? At least give them Roman numerals so they sound like a Pope or something.

Sparky  loves me so much more than other Sparky did

I’d like you all to meet Sparky the IX

In my head I see a hilarious scenario much like at a playground when a child screams, “Mom” and all the mothers look up. Except it’s a dinner party and a girl calls out “Babe,” and all the dough-eyed fellas attentively look up like frightened rabbits.

"Bros, don't make any sudden moves."

“Bros… don’t make any sudden moves.”

There’s nothing wrong with Babe in my book. It’s a perfectly suitable name for your main squeeze—just not every main squeeze you have along the way. A little creativity goes a long way to making your significant other feel like he or she is better than the duds and losers you’ve dated in the past, but that’s up to, Sugar.

That, or we make it a pronoun meaning, “One who is in a serious relationship where the Royal We is used for just about everything.”

Your call, America.

After all, it is the Land of the Free, and the Home of the Babe

After all, it is the Land of the Free, and the Home of the Babe