Posts tagged ‘Funny’

TV Shows: Your Better Half

I think movies are cool. They’re always fun, but the joy movie provides is fleeting. They’re like a one-night stand. Lots of excitement and explosions, but it’s all over in one night and then you have to go back to your normal life. That’s why we are drawn to TV shows. It’s more like a relationship. It requires time, commitment, and often takes up way too much of your free time; but in the end it’s generally satisfying.

 

I think this is the beginning of something good

I think this is the beginning of something good

Many shows with loyal followings have ended: Breaking Bad, How I Met Your Mother, The Office, and very soon, Mad Men. The end of a show leaves a gaping void in our lives because it feels like we’ve lost a part of ourselves. I guess it makes sense; it’s no sillier than being distraught over your favorite team losing. We have no literal connection with a TV show or a sports team, yet we live and die for both.

 

Sounded like people were ready to kill over this ending

Sounded like people were ready to kill over this ending

For sports, it’s the primal urge of triumph. We all want to taste victory’s sweet nectar, and rooting for a team is by far the easiest way to feel that. With TV shows it’s different because we experience a world we want to be a part of or feel more connected to than our own world.

Read more…

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Humans: The wildest animal of all

Do you ever think about all the strange things that animals do? They seem so weird and random when you watch those Discovery Channel specials. Until you think about some things you see and do in a normal day and realize that humans are by far the weirdest and most random species on the planet.

Proof of social darwinism

Proof of social darwinism

One thing I noted was that pretty much every weird thing an animal does is for survival. Necessity factors into almost everything they do. They are able to survive and thrive because that’s all they’re focused on. Necessity doesn’t seem to factor into things we do and yet when you break it down, we still do some peculiar things.

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Are You Asleep Yet?

There’s a good chance you’re reading this because you wish you were asleep, or at the very least, sleepy. That short break from consciousness that helps us replenish our life force and prepare for another day of noise, routines, and Netflix marathons. But the “Good night’s Sleep” is an elusive thing these days.

This is exactly what no one looks like when they're sleeping

This is exactly what no one looks like when they’re sleeping

Sleeping is one of the only things I can think of that is involuntary and that so many people are bad at. It’s something the body requires, but at the same time refuses to make easy. It should be simple. Lay down in bed in “jammies” and close eyes. That’s all it should take. I’d like a show of hands of everyone that falls asleep that easily:

That’s what I thought

That’s what I thought

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Miley Being Miley: Which is alright with me

“Oh my god, did you hear what Miley did?” This is something people seem to be saying quite often these days. People seem genuinely shocked that she’s acting out and rebelling against her squeaky-clean, child star image. Why is a YOUNG GIRL ACTING OUT, they keep saying? We’re thrown off by something that is completely expected, a young person rebelling against the conservative environment they were raised in. It’s as American as the apple pie in American Pie the movie.

Cue 90s alt rock song

Cue 90s alt rock anthem

I know just like everyone else reading this, that I did many things between the age of 18 and 21 that I regret or now look back on, shaking my head with a rye smile saying, “Man, I was so cool back then flipping the bird in every picture and listening to my Sony Walkman all day.” So who are we to judge her? But she was twerking all over a pop icon and smoking a joint on television, or she bought a car made out of melted down rappers grills, you say.

So what.

I really hope the last one happens soon

I really hope the last one happens soon

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The Corrected System

The slammer, the big house, the hole…prison. A place that’s steeped in mystery, myth, and a potential goldmine for TV and movie plots. It’s also a depressing place where little is done and much is wasted. Everyone can agree that the system is flawed, but can’t agree on what is “flawing” it. Some say it’s the laws that target minor offenders and clog the system, others say once in, the inmates do not receive the societal rehabilitation they need. I believe the corrections that could repair the system could be easily implemented.

 

First off, we’re going about it all wrong. Inmates spend most of their day lying around, hanging out, having playtime and eating 3 square meals. That sounds like a great summer vacation to me. I know what you’re saying, don’t forget the forcible rape, daily shankings, and the poor Yelp! reviews most prison mess halls receive, but I’ve thought of that – and I’ve got an idea Read more…

Women and Men: Crazy Stupid

Women are crazy and men are stupid. The reason women are so crazy? Because men are so stupid.

The misunderstanding between sexes is almost as frustrating as stock photography.

The misunderstanding between sexes is almost as frustrating as stock photography

This brilliant aphorism explains why men and women see each other as different species, without placing the blame on either sex.

But Nick, you just declared man’s stupidity the cause of female craziness.

WRONG!

It’s a mere lack of understanding of the beauty of man’s stupidity that causes this. Read more…

Past to the Future

I used to love cartoons as a kid. I still do, but I used to, too. (RIP Mitch) I was always enamored by the cartoons that showed what people in the 1950s thought the future would look like.

SPOILER ALERT: They were wayyyyyyy off. They’re the reason I believed that when the year 2000 hit, we’d automatically have to switch to hover cars, tube transportation, and astronaut food.

None of this happened because people in the 1950s were hardworking, industrious people, who thought we’d continue down that road; working hard to benefit future generations, but instead the 1960s happened.

The steady march of progress was too "Far Out" for this generation who now have trouble checking their email.

The steady march of progress was too “Far Out” for this generation who now have trouble checking their email.

They could never have imagined the change in direction society would take – or that we’d have a hand-held device that could access any information instantly and contact anyone across the globe.  A device we’d mostly use to take pictures of our food and with which we’d crush candy.

Two plates!? Someone's camera lens is bigger than their stomach.

Two plates!? Someone’s camera lens is bigger than their stomach.

So instead of focusing on how to make life simpler and more effective, we’ve focused on technology that more closely resembles Big Brother (RIP Mr. Orwell). We aren’t fully to blame, though. I mean it seemed at times people in the past made large assumptions about how their present technology would translate into their vision of the future.

They had cars in 1955 – did they just assume the technology to make some hover would come out of thin air? Or that we’d risk grievous bodily harm with one of those machines that launches you out of bed into the shower and shoots your breakfast at you?

Maybe that’s a stretch, but you get what I’m saying. They were just guessing and hoping the things they wanted would happen. And if on the off chance you’re a frequent reader of this blog, how about that future fashion, huh? Pretty ridiculous. Lots of big shoulder pads, jumpsuits, and plastic looking material.  Pretty farfetched…

Why was the past right about this?

Why was the past right about this?

But basically, I applaud their effort and imagination, so here are a few of my future predictions.

In the Future…

  • We’ll create a car that monkeys can drive, and they will do it well.
  • The DMV will become the model of efficiency and hundreds of jokes about it from our time will confuse future generations.
  • Everything on Futurama
  • The 3 Seashell System from Demolition Man
  • Contrary to popular belief, machines will not revolt against us and enslave us, but they’ll develop poor work ethic and general malaise like any other red-blooded American.
  • Lastly, sassy robot butlers, because if not, then what hell is the point of even getting up in the morning?
I hope to see you soon, sweet, sweet Rosie

I hope to see you soon, sweet, sweet Rosie

To infinity and shortly past it!

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